don't kill my spirit was a song crafted trying to make more songs that tap into the bones of sufferplenty, think "all to myself" "i can't be myself" there's a traditional sufferplenty sound and i think it has a very dark emo rap vibe to it. i wanna grow as an artist but i also need to give my audience more of what they like, this was my attempt at doing that. 

it started with a sorrow bringer beat, being a big fan of sewerperson/9tails after that December seeing him perform with guardin it inspired me to look into producers that they use because i used to primarily use CapsCtrl beats or beats that i would find on YouTube but the quality of YouTube beats have been lacking and i've sorted through every CapsCtrl beat ever posted on YouTube so it's a dry lake there now. My next best thing has been to use producer beats who are affliated with anyone in my niche, scene or artists i look up to. sorrow bringer just so happened to have tons of beats that could get me immediately writing. i believe this song was finalized in the same night February 11th 2025 and i got the mix/master back from my friend and engineer Nicolas Sales March 15th. I sat on it for a long time and ended up performing it several times before it dropped, just now September 19th 2025. I performed it in LA, i performed it in Baltimore MD, Silver Spring MD and on tour July 31st-August 2nd while it was still unreleased. A music video was recorded April 8th 2025 shot by Jaden Davison (@jadenprod) and should be releasing September 26th. 

The song is very special to me because it was written in a place of hurt, rejection and at a time where my own self doubt was going to make or break my music career. It was written shortly after i had moved into my first apartment with my fiancée, i was in between jobs and overall there was a very real lack of stability. during this time i even made an instagram post where i spoke about how proud i was joan and i were able to move out on our own despite doubts from various people closest to us, unsure if we could make it on our own/join "the real world" but during that time those achievements were also met with confusion and an uncertainty in myself that i just couldn't ignore. i even spoke about it in my interview with melmige but for a minute there i contemplated quitting music and giving up on everything, finally saying fuck it. everyone is right, i need to grow up, let me let go of the music thing and do what everyone around me + in society tells me i need to do. work full time and let my dream die.